Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctors office? A: Because it was feeling crummy.
The king of a small African nation had an elegant golden throne in his large grass hut. When an old friend came to visit from another nation, he was worried that the man would discover he was a king and treat him differently. He searched frantically for a place to hide the throne, but to no avail. Finally, he decided to have it wedged up in the ceiling of his hut. When his friend arrived, he went to the hut's opening to greet him. Just then the ceiling started to give way, and the golden throne fell on the king, killing him.
The moral of the story is this: People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones.'
What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?
“It's all your fault!”
Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time and reminds him to be still and keep quiet.
An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve screaming behind him. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" says Joe.
"Hey, I kept quiet when the snake bit me," says Steve, "and I was quiet when the fox attacked me. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg just now, I heard one ask the other, 'Should we eat them now or take them with us?'"
Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? 'Cause he was dead!
Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? A. It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....
Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One, two, one, two, three, four!
How many Victorian ladies does it take to change a lightbulb? One hundred. One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths.
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