Funny Jokes? You decide!
Add a joke or vote on these rib ticklers.
All jokes from one liners to rambling shaggy dog stories.
| Chelsea Handler: Not Excited About Alcoholism There's a good chance I may be an alcoholic. You think guys would be a little more excited about that. All they do is bitch and moan. 'You drink too much. You sleep too much.' It's like, if you were drunk all the time, you'd be tired, too. Author : Comedy Central Lisa Lampanelli: Boyfriend's Occupation He's not technically a lawyer, but he's got three court cases next week. Author : Comedy Central Eddie Gossling: Israeli-Palestinian Conflict My first impression of the current conflict between the Israelis and Palestinians: 'Mom, Israel's touching me!' Author : Comedy Central John Mulaney: Loving "Law & Order" My favorite on that show was Jerry Orbach. I loved him. Yeah -- he was the best because he always had a funny little one-liner when they found the dead body. They found a teacher lying dead in an alley, and Orbach would be like, 'Huh, looks like school's out.' I always wanted to see an episode where he couldn't think of a clever one -- where they find a guy dead with a Mars Bar in his hand, and Orbach's like, 'Huh, looks like, uh, he won't be going to Mars anytime soon. Get it -- Mars Bar? Ah, screw you guys. Nine times out of 10, they're funny.' Author : Comedy Central Mo Mandel: Bought But Never Used Our high school coach got caught with meth at a game. And he told the school that he had bought it, but never used it. I've never bought drugs and not used them. Right? They're not condoms. Author : Comedy Central Human Equation Mom + Dad - Rubber = U Author : Comedy Central Adam Ferrara: Menopausal Mom If she gets a hot flash and walks into a cold room, she can make it rain. Author : Comedy Central Tammy Pescatelli: At a Baseball Game With Grandpa In the middle of the game, he jumps up. He starts screaming at the top his lungs, he's like, '80,000 people! 80,000 people!' I go, 'Papa, what's wrong?' He goes '80,000 -- and that bird had to sh*t on me.' Author : Comedy Central Increase Web Traffic |
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